Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
