he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
