But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
