Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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