sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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