Only a mothe r could love this liver
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
