found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize