I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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