I wanna bring you to show and tell
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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