how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
