I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
