I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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