I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
