therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
