I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
