also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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