I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
where does the pee come out of this thing
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
