STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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