I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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