Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
