It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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