Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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