Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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