Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
