don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
