weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
