No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
