I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
