so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
