standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
