dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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