I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do vagina's smell?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize