I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
