my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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