Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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