Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
