We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize