My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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