dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I party with great urgency now.
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