SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
