you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Never joke about your clitoris.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
