if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
