i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
