oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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