Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
