after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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