All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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