is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Less talking, more tequila
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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