Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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