somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
