and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
