It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
