Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
