I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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