my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
