Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
