do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize