Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
