Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
