never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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