ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
