and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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