Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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