i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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