Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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