am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
