i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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