it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
