dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
