none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
