i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
