You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
