Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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