that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
