I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
