Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
