For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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