i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
