I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
