if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize