We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
