Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
