He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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