Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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