I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize