is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize