The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
