I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
