Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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