how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
